A Time to Ponder


The New Kid On the Block
So much had happened with nothing achieved towards my goal. I was in no condition to write. Creative juices had not appeared for some time. I suppose like everyone who is trying to be creative, much depends on their stability. The aftermath of Antigua was anything but stable for me. I wobbled through the summer months trying to analyze who I had become. For sure I was different. I decided I couldn't classify myself as a man, certainly not a woman, so what was I. Then it hit me. A Eunuch! Of course, that was it. Remembering how, as a youngster at boarding school in the UK, I'd been called a Eunuch by heartless peers, who were lucky enough to reach pubescence before fifteen, gave me a clue. Those "men" were the trusted aids in the harems. Trusted because they were sexless. Now here I was, admittedly not sexless because of the injections I took, but otherwise ?
Parallels In the early days of my injections I'd experienced a monthly hormone cycle. I'd had many hot sweats, emotional outbursts and odd behaviours. I'd begun to understand how a woman could be affected by her cycle. Understand and empathise even. I felt contempt now for the macho in men. I disliked their attitude towards women as sex objects. I'd become a privileged person, able to see both sides of the coin. Able to talk to men about women and explain, graphically, how it is to have a hormone cycle. I could relate and discuss with women why it was that their man couldn't relate to them. I was, in my own mind, between the sexes. Wow! What a position to find myself in. How lucky I am. According to statistics, only one man in a thousand who contract Testicular Cancer lose both balls. That meant I had become an extremely rare animal. I'd been "chosen". At least that's what I concluded.
The Internet? What's That?
My computer experience was extremely limited in 1993. It didn't matter to me, when my brother and I met in Bristol. He was working for the BBC as a consultant whilst planning his new venture. We talked about the Internet, its history and its commercialization. At the time, in October 1993, there was only one commercial provider in the UK, a company with the unfortunate name of "Demon". They'd been going about a year and were gradually expanding. Steve, my brother, explained how everything worked, and what Demon were doing wrong. We decided to go for it as partners, with me handling the business side of it, he the technical side. Money, as ever was the obstacle. The thought was that thirty thousand pounds would be required to begin with. With all three members of his family present, I was asked if I could find a "money man". His proposed mother in law, Mary, was full of metaphysic visions and prophecies, which I ignored. This was business, not a game of Tarot and spurious projections. She had nothing to do with the business so wouldn't be a factor.
Rejection
A good friend of mine was looking for a venture and had money. We talked about Steve's venture, which he enthused over. John saw the potential and wanted in. He could get the money very quickly, so within a week we went to Bristol to meet with Steve. They'd met before at my house, which would make negotiations easier. whilst Steve and he talked, I sat with Mary and Karen, telling them how I saw the business developing. By the end of the meeting, the three negotiators shook hands on a three way split of the new business.
Mary, Mary Quite Contrary
Back in Twickenham John and I discussed timing. He would enable the money within a week then get the business going. We would need an office, an Internet feed from Sprint or United Artists, telephone lines from British Telecom, two really fast computers and some modems. Two excited people shook hands on our new proposed venture. About two days later, there was a phone call. It was Steve telling me John was not required. Talk about knock me down with a feather! The reason apparently, was that Mary had vetoed him. I stormed at my brother, telling him he'd already agreed with John. He was unmoving, saying Mary had "seen" something. I got down to Bristol two hours later to sort this stupidity out. Mary thought him untrustworthy and therefore had vetoed his selection. No matter how I tried, they were unmoving, explaining how, although the business was to be Steve's, they took decisions as a family. I was still wanted, but John was out. Telling them we could still get the business going, but that it was going to be tougher without John's money, I left and headed for Twickenham to break the news to John. Time, as ever, was against us. We had to get going before Demon chose the densely populated area of Bristol as a new expansion.